One of my goals for the past five years has been to get published in a national woman’s magazine. I’ve pitched magazines like Yoga Journal, Natural Health and Whole Living. I’ve written hundreds of new moon wishes. I’ve done Reiki. I’ve tried to let it go. I’ve tried to come up with the perfect idea, etc, etc etc.. No matter how hard I tried or how close I got to landing an assignment or prayed or chanted or used energy work and crystals, it just hasn’t happened yet. Magazines folding, editors being laid off left and right, no freelance budget, editor already working on my idea…..
Last week, I had a conversation with Jana who runs newmoonmanifesting. As I shared with her my intention, she said she heard the word “prove.” Side note, Jana is intuitive like me. We started talking about my goal and proving something. The more we spoke, the more I realized that I had set up this goal as a way to prove to myself (and the world) that I was a real writer. Meanwhile, I’ve gotten published in many magazines (Time Out New York, Kiwi and others) and websites (health.com, readersdigest.com and others). What, were those fake? Was I really a fake writer?
I just had to laugh! Suddenly, everything shifted. I still hope this dream comes true, but I no longer have the intensity, frustration and anguish, about it. It’s not charged any more.
I’m still in shock. It feels weird. I’ve worked towards this goal for years. What now? Do I create a new blog? Write a book? Start my own magazine? Give up writing all together?My mantra for 2013 is Just Be. Just be in the present moment. Just be happy if I’m feeling happy. Just Be sad if I’m feeling sad. I reminded myself that, for now, Just Be means to Just Be still. I don’t need to have a goal all the time. I don’t need to constantly work towards something. I can enjoy what I’ve accomplished and enjoy what I am currently doing.
I will admit that part of me is hoping, wondering if I will hear from an editor now that my energy has shifted. My desire has not vanished completely, which I guess is a good thing. I’ve decided that if I get inspired with an idea, I will pitch. If not, I just won’t.
All I can say is that it feels damn good!