Say What

My friends keep on asking me how my trip to India has changed me. I wish I could pinpoint a specific change. Maybe it will become clearer as time goes on or maybe it will be a subtle change that will become apparent years from now.

One thing I can say, at least for the present moment, is that I still feel the vibration of all the chanting we did throughout the trip. I have never chanted so much before in my entire life. I think I have a horrible singing voice. Yet, there was no stopping me in India. And that hasn’t changed now that I’m at home.

In India, we chanted the Maha Mantra: Hare Krishna Hare Krishna. Krishna Krishna Hare Hare. Hare Ramo, Hare Ramo. Ramo Ramo Hare Hare. We also chanted Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya. And Radhe Radhe Govinda. Govinda. Radhe. Radhe. Radhe Govinda. Govinda Radhe.

We chanted other mantras but those are the ones that remain inside my cells. I’ve been back for over a week. I turned on the car radio once. I had to shut it off. I didn’t want to listen to Rihanna. I wanted to listen to the chanting inside my head. I chant in the car, I chant in the grocery store, I chant while folding the laundry. I’m. chanting, all. the. time. I chant out loud and I chant in my head. The feeling that I feel inside as I recite these mantras is indescribable. It makes me want to scream like a crazy lunatic.

I don’t want to lose this! Yet, as each day passes, I feel the chanting slowly losing its grasp on me. I’m holding on as tightly as I can. I don’t want to let it go. I also know that this isn’t something that I can hold onto. I need to surrender. But I don’t want to.

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