I’ve been a bad, bad yogi. Due to travel (OMG, I freaking love Austin) and an unexpected physical ailment (more on that on another post), I hadn’t been practiced asana in a week or two. OK, more like two and maybe even a bit more than that.
Finally yesterday, I found my way back home. I took an early morning (hello 5:45 am) class at a local hot yoga studio. When the teacher asked us to set our intention for our practice, all I could think of was “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” It felt so good to be on my mat.
Even though I consider myself an early bird as I get up at 6am on the weekends, I expected to feel somewhat tired since I had gotten up extra early and was still adjusting our return home from Texas. However, I felt so open I felt so good in my body. Frankly, I felt pretty amazing.
One tiny, little thing also showed up. During my practice, I felt tight, constricted. I assumed it was because I had not maintained my practice. The teacher adjusted me a few times and I took that as validation that I wasn’t as open. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t like how my shoulders were turning in.
Yeah Yeah, I know during asana you have to remain in the present moment. I’m not there yet so I let my mind wonder. I thought about how a recent body worker mentioned my tightness. When we spoke about it, she used the word “softness.” If I allowed myself to soften, I would open. I would bloom.
I thought about my Mom. How energy workers often say I am carrying grief and sadness. Could all this be manifesting in my body as hunched shoulders, as a way to protect my broken heart? It scared me.
I don’t know all the answers, if any. I will continue to get on my mat. I will continue to receive body work and energy work (I’m getting a Tibetan healing bowl session today and attending a healing bowl ceremony tonight). I will shower my family with love and hugs. Slowly, I will soften. I hope.